You know that moving your aging parent to a senior living facility is the best option. You see signs that their health and well-being are at risk, and they need more help than you’re able to provide. Maybe your own health, relationships or finances are suffering, and you no longer have the capacity to give them the care they deserve.
You know it’s time for a change, but why does it feel so awful?
Guilt is Normal and Common
In one study, over 50% of people with a relative in a nursing home feel at least somewhat guilty over their choice of leaving them there; over 13% say they feel “extremely” guilty.
Moving your parent into a senior living facility may feel like failure and like you’re letting them down. Maybe you promised them you’d never “put them in a nursing home,” but those words were said when their decline was unimaginable. You may feel guilty asking your parent to leave the familiarity of their home, routine and people they interact with daily in exchange for a completely new environment, lifestyle and community.
All these thoughts and emotions are normal, and there are ways to cope with these feelings.
How to Overcome Feelings of Guilt
Research Facility Options
Many people think of senior living facilities as lifeless institutions riddled with neglect and abuse. While places like that certainly exist, there are also many wonderful facilities that offer high-quality medical care, compassionate staff, top-of-the-line amenities and vibrant communities of residents.
Ask around for recommendations, read reviews online and go on tours of facilities. Knowing what to expect can provide reassurance that you’re making the right choice.
Related: How to Talk to Your Aging Parent About Long-Term Care
Consider Alternative Scenarios
Think about what could happen if your parent doesn’t move to a senior living facility. What if they fall and no one finds them for a couple days? What if they have a heart attack or stroke when they’re home alone? What if they forget to take their medication? What if they become lonely, isolated and depressed?
These “what ifs” aren’t fun to think about, but they can give you peace of mind knowing you’re doing what’s best for your parent.
Know Senior Living can be Empowering
Your parent may feel like they’re giving up their freedom and self-sufficiency, and that they’ll live a life of boredom and isolation. However, the opposite is often true. Senior living facilities alleviate the challenges seniors face, which gives them more power and freedom to make their own decisions while being supported in a safe environment. They may also have more opportunity to fill their calendar with activities, outings and social functions.
Related: What Are NORCs and How Do They Help Seniors Age in Place?
Reach Out for Support
Whether it’s through a trusted loved one, a support group or a therapist, it’s important to unpack your feelings of guilt and not hold them in. A mental health professional can give you tools to help you cope with these emotions.
Visit Often and Create Happy Memories
By visiting often, your parent will feel connected and not abandoned. This will also help you develop relationships with staff and stay in the know about your parent’s care. When you visit, do things that your parent enjoys. Have coffee on the porch, play board games or take a walk through the garden. Without the responsibilities of caregiving on your plate, you can now focus more on your relationship and spending quality time.
Related: Long-Term Care: Who Needs it and How Much Does it Cost?
Remember it’s an Act of Love
You love your parent, so you want to do whatever you can to improve their quality of life—medically, mentally and socially. Have peace of mind knowing your loved one is safe and cared for.
Thinking About Your Own Future
Do your parent’s care needs have you thinking about your own future? Do you want to plan ahead and be prepared for the possibility of needing assistance someday? Long-term care insurance can help you preserve your wealth and dignity, so talk to your Bankers Life agent today about your options.
Want more caregiving content? Check out our blogs, Caring for a Loved One With Alzheimer’s and 5 Simple Ways to Care for a Caregiver.
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Bankers Life is here to help customers with their financial and insurance needs. Please visit us at BankersLife.com to learn more.
